Today I feel very lonely. I feel abandoned and without
strength. I feel like a lemon which has been squeezed for life lemonade until
the last drop. Feel like I cannot make one more step, utter another word, write
another sentence. I feel so afraid, insecure, left aside. I need to get all my
shit together because I feel I cannot live like this anymore. Have you ever had
that feeling before? I hope it is just a temporary state. I am alive but I feel
like I am only surviving. I do not want to live day by day with the thought
that days are just passing and they are not memorable for something special.
Today at midnight I was smoking a
cigarette outside of the hotel where I had nightshift. I looked into the sky
and my thoughts were: ´I want to be hit by a meteorite, an engine from a plane,
a brick, or a toilet desk from a destroyed satellite (like in the tv series
´Dead like me´)´. So everything will be over. These pointless, goal-less,
result-less days will be over...
Have you felt like that at least one in your life? Hope I am
not getting crazy....
xoxo, Moonie
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